It didn’t hit me right away - I was more concerned with getting on my plane and getting to my hotel without anyone else to rely on or manage, but once I was in there, all in one piece, a little panic hit me.
OMG I AM ALL BY MYSELF IN A HOTEL ROOM! WHAT DO I DO NOW???
There was a little bit of guilt woven in there as well. I hadn’t travelled on my own for the last four years since I had my first child in 2020 and second in 2022. This was the first time I was out of the country, on holiday completely by myself, probably since August 2019. From Monday to Thursday, my two girls would be well-looked after by their father and our capable helper, with back-up from my parents, and I would be in Hong Kong doing, well, basically whatever I wanted (plus some banking). And I was so excited!
Getting to be me again
Travelling had always been a big part of my life before the pandemic and two kids changed everything. Suddenly, a three-day getaway seemed like a mini ordeal just from calculating and packing the right number of diapers alone. There’s a saying that travelling with children is just parenting in another country - sure I found it on a reel on Instagram, but that doesn’t make it less true.
Needless to say, the energy, and even the fun I used to get from travelling had changed. I still enjoy going places with my children but it’s very much about their experience and opening their eyes to the world now. Much less about what I want to do and what I would enjoy.
I had never felt comfortable earlier with the idea of doing it, though I did do a one-night staycation by myself before my second daughter was born, and my husband and I did a couples’ trip earlier this year to Bangkok (also for the first time).
But I had forgotten how much I enjoyed doing something by myself, just for me. Just as much as that trip to Bangkok for me and my husband had been about remembering what it was like to be a couple, my trip to Hong Kong alone was about me getting back to who I was, as an individual. This was something I got to do for ME - and I know mums will agree with me that it is a rare thing.
A familiar adventure
Coming back from my trip, I felt so energised and just happier all around. My kids probably noticed it, my husband definitely noticed it. And here’s why I think that was the case.
I am not a particularly maternal person - at almost five years into motherhood I would definitely still call it the hardest job I’ve ever had. I didn’t have kids till late in life because I didn’t really think I would want them. So a lot of my identity as an adult had already been formed around the person I was pre-kids. And while I love my children, I missed that pre-kids person a lot. Travelling without kids - and alone - let me be more in control of my itinerary and my movements.
I also chose to go back to a place that I knew and loved. For me, that was Hong Kong. I had lived there for eight years and still had many friends in the city. We had gone as a family in January but I hadn’t had much time then to meet friends I hadn’t seen in years, thanks to the pandemic. Since I had some banking to take care of, it made sense to head there.
This might seem controversial or at least very indulgent, but I didn’t skimp on the comforts. I stayed in a nice hotel, took taxis and did lots of shopping - basically things I don’t get to do or don’t have time to do with children in tow. While these things might have felt normal before I had kids, they are a “splurge” to me now that I’m a mum.
Tips to enjoy your kid-free time - ALONE
Maybe travel isn’t the thing you miss most about pre-child life. In which case, do what you miss instead, but I think the key is to do it alone. Don’t put yourself in a position where you have to worry about someone else. For me, travelling to a place I knew to see friends I don’t often get to spend time with checked all the boxes. Here’s what I think is important for parents to consider when doing a solo trip:
- Pick a place you know and enjoy. For me this wasn’t about exploring something new, it was about rediscovering what I had before. I didn’t want the destination to stress me out at all.
- If you can, go during the week. If your child is in school, they will be gainfully occupied for a good portion of the day. It’s easier for your back-up childcare to manage a schedule that’s already in place.
- Arrange with your spouse/caregivers a good time to connect with the kids. For me, this was before the start of their school and before bedtime, even if that meant taking a call from a restaurant or taxi.
- Prepare a memento for the child/children you’re leaving behind. I have a very clingy four-year-old who missed me intensely as the days passed. Before I left, I made her a little cardholder with a photo of the two of us, and she wore that most days I was gone to remember I was still near.
- Get presents for the kids (and maybe the husband too). They don’t have to be big (though I definitely went overboard), just something to remind the kids you were thinking of them on your time away.
Most importantly, ENJOY YOUR TIME. During my first-ever solo trip without kids, it was the first time I carried a small bag. No diapers, no wipes, no snacks! I got to put on makeup every morning without rushing. I got to eat every meal mindfully and enjoy adult conversation. It felt intensely liberating and energising.
At the end of four days, I was ready to go back to my babies (all of whom managed to fall sick while I was away, of course). It’s a cliche, but I appreciated them all much more after having been away. You can bet I’ll be doing solo travel again soon.
Karen Fong is a mum to two preschoolers, and is surviving motherhood by applying a wry sense of humour (and a lot of eye-rolling and complaining) to the weird and wacky situations that come her way. DM her at @karentanfong to commiserate about party goodie bags, sick babies and travelling with a billion pieces of luggage.
- TAGS:
- hong kong
- self care
- travel
